You create your reality

Forgiveness is only necessary when first there is blame. The second lie needs the first lie. Withdraw the blame and forgiveness becomes a moot point.

To cast blame means to not understand that you create your reality.

     Mike Dooley

The Four Agreements

Watched Don Miguel Ruiz with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday talking about his book, The Four Agreements. (If you have not read it, please get a copy.)

The Four Agreements are:
1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don't take things personally.
3. Don't make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

Ruiz says 95% of what we believe about ourselves is a lie. Things we were told since childhood by our parent, teachers, the church, society. It's not you. He also asked a powerful question? How many times do we pay for one mistake? A thousand times. We punish oursleves over and over. And we also punish other people a thousand times for one mistake. This is where forgiveness comes into play. Forgiveness is not for them, it's for you. Let is go. No other creature does this. Animals make a mistake, do a correction and keep it moving.

What matters is what you think about you. You are the main character in your story just like they are the main character in their story. Stop trying to change people. You are not responsible for what other people understand.

You create false drama by making assumptions about someone else because you don't have the courage to ask questions. All the sadness you've experienced is rooted in making assumptions about the other person and taking it personally when everything goes wrong. First of all, that other person has no idea what you're assuming because you have not told them. Guess what? They can't read your mind. What may upset you may not be their intention and they don't know that it upset you.

Something to think about.

COMPLAINING

What am I complaining about?

Sometimes, for no good reason I can discern,
I find myself complaining
about anything and everything
"It's their fault, not mine."
"How could they do such a thing?"
And so on.

Yet this complaining doesn't serve me.
Not does it serve anyone else.
The complaining puts me into a frame of mind
where everything is wrong,
where nothing is right.

Complaining isolates and paralyzes me.
I may be "right."
but because of all the negativity,
I block anything good from happening.

This complaining doesn't serve me.
so I will leave it behind now.
I ask forgiveness for wallowing in self-pity, and
I decide that this is not how I choose to live.

Lets follow this example

African American Congressman John Lewis of Atlanta recently met with the White man, Elwin Wilson, who attacked him in 1961 during a protest when Lewis was a young civil rights leader. The confrontation took place at a bus station in South Carolina. Wilson apologized and he and Lewis embraced. Lewis said Wilson was the first person involved in attacks against him during that turbulent time to apologize and he offered forgiveness without hesitation.

I thought this was worthy of mentioning because I grew up in North Carolina during the sit-ins at places like Woolworth's 5 & 10. I also remember the hot waiting rooms for "Colored people" in bus and train stations (no fans), colored signs over water fountains (water was not cold if it worked at all), bathrooms, etc. And the entrance to the movie theater that was on a side street, around the corner from the main street white entrance, that lead to a small balcony. I was quite aware of racism as I grew up in the south and in New York. I had to remember which part of the country I was in and make the adjustment. Up north, I sat wherever I wanted on the bus; below Washington, DC, I sat in the back. In a store that serviced white and Black patrons, I had to wait until the white person was waited on first though I may have been first at the counter. I decided to leave NC after completing the 9th grade because I knew my New York state of mind would get me hung.

I am happy that this reconciliation occurred and hope others of all races follow suit.